The Curious Case of Christopher Comtois (Part XIII)

Waiting

     I was exhausted. More exhausted than at any point in my life. I actually tried to think of another time in my life when I felt more mentally and physically tired, but couldn't. I stretched out in bed and hadn't moved for nearly four hours. I knew the view of the ceiling in my cell better than the back of my hand and the snores from Pepe' became part of the regular background noise. I wondered how the search of my house had gone. I pictured Kermit answering the door in his boxer shorts and wondered what conversations the police would have with him. Even though I had nothing to hide in regards to molesting any teenagers, I tried to remember everything that was in my room and hidden away in drawers and closets. I thought about e-mails that I had sent and what I had been looking at on my computer. It isn't every day, or any day, that strangers have total access to everything in your life. It made me very nervous to have the police looking through all of my belongings without me being present. I hoped that Kermit would be with them as they searched to try to give some context to whatever it was that they found. Without me there, I worried that letters or e-mails could be twisted and used in whatever fashion Laney wished. I knew without a doubt that Laney wasn't in Denver to help me. Not a chance. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I decided that he had to be pretty pissed off that he even had to come to Colorado. I was sure that it wasn't in his immediate plans. He came because Franklin called him and it wouldn't have looked good if he did nothing when another officer told him that he might have the wrong guy. The more I went through it in my head, the more I came to detest him. I didn't even consider trying to sleep as there was simply too much information to process.

     I wanted to talk to my mom. I wanted to talk to Kira. I wanted to go home. I had had enough. The closer it got to the beginning of Thursday, the more scattered my thoughts were. Why was I still in jail when anyone with a brain would know that I was innocent? How far would Laney go to keep me locked up? I began to focus on the DNA test. I had read about people spending years of their life in prison and being set free due to a DNA test. I didn't want to spend years, or any more hours, in jail. I knew that I was innocent, but Laney knew I was guilty. Why would the Florida authorities insist that they be the ones to run the test? Was Laney buddies with the DNA guys who would conduct the test? Was he so sure and arrogant that he would forge a DNA test to keep his suspect behind bars? I started to panic about agreeing to the test. I felt totally powerless and became very scared. I was nearly shaking as the thought of Laney and Florida making me a match to the suspect's DNA went through my head over and over and over. I was picturing the moment when Franklin or Dave told me that my DNA was a match. Every time I'd finish the thought I'd go back to the beginning and go through it again. A side thought would have me heading to prison for the rest of my life, just as I had imagined the first few nights I sat in jail. I was freaking myself out again and nearly frozen with fear. I had absolutely no control of the situation and it was a very hollow feeling. I had hit bottom many times in the darkness of night during the previous four evenings, and early Thursday was another nosedive into the black cavern. Thankfully, the lights flickered on and it was breakfast time at the usual crack of 5:30am.  Pepe' stopped snoring and rolled over and fell off of his toboggan. It was a good segue into the day.

     There were unfamiliar faces at the breakfast table. Most of the guys that I had come to know since Saturday were gone. Only Cube and the light skinned-Afro guy were left. I wasn't around for a large chunk of Wednesday and apparently a bunch of guys had left and had been replaced by new criminals. Pepe' sat next to me at the table but I didn't know any of the others. Cube and the other guy were both at separate tables. There was no conversation. I realized that other than Cube, I had been on the floor the longest. I figured that over 50 guys had come and gone since my arrival on Saturday afternoon. I was beginning my sixth day in jail but it felt like my sixth year.  I couldn't tell if I had lost weight or if my jeans weren't fitting me since I'd had them on since Saturday morning. I could smell myself. I really didn't have an appetite but forced myself to eat the toast and whatever they were calling oatmeal.

     I was getting to know all of the officers on the floor on a superficial level. Some were more talkative than others, but it was impossible to be there for as long as I had been and not talk to them due to our multiple interactions each day. A few who seemed like hard-asses in the beginning had softened a little with me. I figured that most everyone they deal with is only on their floor for a day or less. So many come and go that it didn't make sense to try to talk to them, especially since most were legitimate criminals who probably didn't like the police very much anyway. I had been cordial, polite and talkative since my arrival and although they didn't know any specifics of my case, I was at least respectful and most likely different than most of the guys that they deal with regularly. Plus, I was on their floor for an unusual amount of time and they were becoming familiar with me just as I was with them. As I walked back to my cell after breakfast, one of the officers who I liked stopped me to ask if I wanted to use the phone and take a shower. I didn't hesitate. It didn't look like anyone else was getting to shower or call anyone, so perhaps my good behavior was earning me some points. I wondered if Franklin was friends with any of these guys and relayed what was going on with me. Regardless, I got excited to have a little time to myself to clean up and call my mom and Kira. The officer told me that I could have an hour to use the phone if I wished. He'd come back in when I was done with a towel and soap for the shower. I was actually kind of shocked that I was being given such freedom. It came at a perfect time since I had been in such a bad place emotionally through the night.

     The phone rang several times at my mom's house before she picked it up. After the usual rigmarole of waiting for her to listen to the recorded lady tell her where I was calling from and accepting the charges, I finally got say hello. I spent the first ten minutes explaining everything that had gone on the day before. I went through it so fast that she had to ask me several times to slow down. I was naturally excited to be able to relay all of this to my mother and to hear her reaction. She was audibly excited and told me that she had spoken with Dave a few times over the past 24 hours. Dave had known that Detective Laney was coming to Denver and was coming to see me at some point on Thursday morning, which I looked forward to. Franklin had obviously been in touch with him. She also knew about the DNA test. Just hearing her reassuring voice helped calm me down after I had done such a good job of winding myself up with all of the possibilities that my imagination could conjure. I told her about Lou's visit and went into detail about my interaction with Laney. I asked her if she thought if there was any way that Laney would rig the DNA test so it came out positive. I knew what her answer would be but it helped to have her say what my intelligence already knew. She told me not to think like that and that everything was going to work out. For the first time, I told her how difficult the nights were and how my imagination went into overdrive. I had avoided letting her in on any of my inner turmoil up to that point so that she wouldn't worry, but it helped me to hear a logical person who wasn't sitting in jail tell me that I was being ridiculous. Although my mother and I didn't have a touchy-feely type of relationship where we shared feelings and such, the wear and tear of the events of my life had left me feeling very emotional. I opened up to her more than I probably ever had. It was this vulnerability that had led me back to talking to Kira again, and calling her was next on the list after my mother had to head to work. We said our goodbyes and I hung up and started the process of calling Minnesota.

     Since time had morphed into segments of fast and slow, I really couldn't remember when I had spoken to Kira last. Each day and night seemed like weeks and months. When I worked at camp, we used to talk about "camp time." When you live in an environment such as a summer camp, where you eat, sleep, play and interact with everyone for an extended amount of time, and cram a maximal amount of activity into the day and night, "normal" time changes. We would say that each day at camp equaled about two weeks in the "real" world. We put more activity and emotion into one day than most people do in two weeks.  You forge bonds with people that would normally take years to develop. That is why my camp group of friends is so tight nit. I imagine that it's the same with any group of people who share their living space and social and work lives on a daily basis for many months. I wondered whether or not it was the same in jail in regards to "friendships," since inmates are all forced to do everything together in close quarters for tremendous amounts of time. I didn't want to find out. As I dialed Kira's number, I tried to recall the last time we spoke and how much she was caught up on my goings-on.

     Kira answered almost immediately. She accepted the charges and said that she woke up early hoping that I'd be calling. She seemed to be overflowing with emotion and talked for two or three minutes before I could even say "hello." I remembered while she spoke that the last time I called she wasn't there. It must have been two days or more since we actually spoke. So much had gone on since then that I had to cut her off and remind her that I had limited time. "I'm in jail, you know," I told her. Always the wise-ass. Her initial ramble was semi-frantic, going on and on about worrying and wondering what was going on with me. She said that she had been trying to call Kermit to get any information that she could. I reminded her that Kermit was probably voted "Least Likely To Call You Back" in high school. His phone habits are atrocious. There was a time seven or eight years previous when I drove out to visit him when he was still in college in the middle of Kansas. We had the plans on the books for months, but in the days leading up to the trip, I couldn't get him on the phone. He didn't own an answering machine and never picked up the phone. I knew he knew when I was coming, so I didn't worry about it. I went and he was expecting me. When I was in his apartment before and after we went out, his phone rang at least once an hour. He didn't pick it up. After ten or so times of this happening, I asked him why the hell he wasn't answering the phone. He said that it was his girlfriend calling and that they had broken up, which I wasn't aware of. I asked him when that had happened, and his answer was that she didn't know yet. "So, you're broken up but she doesn't know?" I asked him. "Yep.” They had been dating since the prior summer at camp. The phone rang again and finally stopped. I was confused. They were broken up, she didn't know and she was calling. "I don't understand," I told him. "She'll figure it out," he said. His method for breaking up with her was by simply not answering the phone. "What if it's someone else, like me, calling you," I smartly asked. "She'll stop eventually," he said. The plan wasn't well thought out, but it was pure Kermit. I told Kira that she should probably avoid him and try to call Aimee, who she had also met during her Colorado visit. I gave her Aimee's number.

     I had no idea how long I really had to talk and kept looking to see if the officer was coming out of the office. I knew that he could see me on one of the many closed circuit cameras that were mounted in various areas of the floor. I had seen the screens during my many treks through the office en route to the meeting rooms. I told Kira everything that had gone on since the last time we spoke. As I ran through Franklin and Laney, the DNA test, Dave, my bond amount, Lou and Kermit's visits as well as my new roommate. I grew more confident that things really had been turning in a positive direction. When I listened to myself describe to her all of it in detail, I stepped back outside myself and gained some rational insight that I may actually get out of this mess. A logical person hearing the course of events would conclude that I would probably get out of jail sometime soon. Kira basically said that over and over. "There's no way they can keep holding you with all of that information," she said. When I thought of it in those terms, it made sense, but it was much different being on my side of the coin. I tried to explain that to her. She knew that I was an ultra-positive person in regards to things that happen in life. "Things usually work out," I often said. I could tell that it was hard for her to hear me so despondent and negative. I was clearly focusing on the worst case scenario and she did her best to talk me down from the ledge. It was these types of conversations that kept me going on a semi-sane path and also why I felt myself giving credence to the fact that I may have made a mistake when I told Kira that I only wanted to be friends with her.

     We were able to talk for nearly 40 minutes. I had to call her back once after the 30 minute time limit cut us off. When I finally saw the officer come around the corner towards me, I told Kira that I had to go. She told me that she loved me and I said it back without thinking. I knew as the words came out of my mouth that I was coming from a very vulnerable place and that it was probably unfair of me to even be talking to her, but I knew that I needed the emotional support that she was giving me. I was able to talk to her in a different fashion than I did with my mother, or even my friends who came to visit. Regardless of my lack of attraction to her, we did have an emotional connection and I let myself go with it, almost unconsciously. The officer gave me the signal to wrap it up. He had a towel and box of soap in his hands. I had nearly forgotten about the second half of my "free time." I finished my conversation with Kira by telling her how excited I was to be able to take my second shower of the week. It’s funny how legitimately happy I was at being able to do something like take a shower, which most people do every day without thinking. Those people in the group that do not shower every day are called “my friends.” I hung up and thanked the officer for letting me use the phone. He told me that he'd give me 20 minutes or so to shower and that he'd come back when I was done to let me back in my cell. By the time I was finished, it was nearly seven o'clock in the morning, and with the sun rising, I knew that more possibilities were on the horizon for the day.

     Whereas I had left my cell for breakfast at a low point, I returned feeling clean and revived. I was actually kind of happy to see Pepe' sitting at the window looking down towards the street. I walked over and said "hola," to which he replied back the same. I sat down on the opposite edge and just started pointing at various objects that we could see. I pointed at a car and said, "car." I did this two or three times until he caught on. He finally said, in a very broken English accent, "car." I pointed at the clock tower and said, "clock." He repeated it. After three or four more, he pointed at his shoe and said, "zapato." I knew that shoe was "zapato," but I said it anyway. He laughed and nodded his head, "Si. Si," he said. He pointed at a car and said, "carro." I repeated. He laughed. I pointed at my pants and said, "pants." He repeated. We both laughed. This exchange lasted the entire two and half hours before lunch. It never got old. We just went on and on. We even refined it as we went. I'd point at something and say it, he'd say it back, and then he'd point at the same thing and say it in Spanish, which I'd repeat. And every time we laughed and nodded our heads. Sometimes one of us would mispronounce the word and the other would say, "no, no" and say it again. We'd keep at it until we got it right. I was using my time in jail to learn basic Spanish. It was obvious that I had a much better grasp of the Spanish language than he did with English, which I found nearly inconceivable since he lived in America. During our conversations, which took exponentially longer than simple conversations should take, I figured out that he had been in Denver for quite some time. How he never learned even basic English words and phrases was beyond me. I liked Pepe'. I really had no idea why he in jail for sure, but he seemed like a kind man. I could tell that he was still very confused about what was happening but he was a break in my monotony. I tried to tell him how badly he snored. I had to lie down and pretend to be asleep and then make horrible snoring noises. I sat up and pointed at him and said "dormir." I did this three times before he understood what I was telling him. He laughed and shook his head no. I just kept saying "yes" while I made more snoring noises. It was a great escape from the solitary time in the cell during my first five days. I hadn't been very excited about the prospect of having a roommate when he first arrived the day before, but the more we "talked," the more thankful I was that he was there. The randomness of the experience wasn't lost on me and I check-marked Pepe' in my head as someone to remember when I told this crazy story after I got out.

     As it got closer to 9:30, a few guys yelled over to ask what time it was. I was always alerted when it got close to lunch or dinner since guys kind of sensed that enough time had gone by since the last meal and got antsy. It was amazing how close it was to being meal time when I'd get new requests for an update.  Pepe’ and I shuffled out of our cell still laughing about our Spanish/English lessons and Cube came over next to me as we sat down at our table. "Where'd you go last night?" he asked. The mood in the room was much lighter than it had been at breakfast. A few of the guys that had just arrived looked like they wanted to talk and I ran down everything for the table. Guys who hadn't been around for long asked questions about what I was going through. The light skinned guy I knew was at another table, and I could see that he was talking about my ordeal with those around him. It was kind of like "Groundhog Day" as it felt like I was doing the exact same thing as I had done before with a new group of guys. They all had the same questions and reactions. Now, though, I had more information than before and they were all very interested in Laney and his visit. One guy chimed in that he had a buddy that took a DNA test and it came out positive, although his friend maintained that he was innocent. I didn't say it, but I assumed that his friend was guilty. The guy didn't exactly look like a Rhodes Scholar and I figured his buddy didn't either. Who was I to judge, though, since I looked like a hoodlum. At least I didn't smell like one after my shower.

     The interesting thing about all of these interactions, the time with Pepe’, the meal discussions, etc., is that the weight of what I was facing was always on my mind. I couldn't escape it. Sometimes I'd find myself drift off, even when I was talking, and think about going to prison. The realism of where I was and what I was going through was always just a blink away. It was the elephant in the room, for me at least. I wondered if the other guys on the floor had this huge emotional weight on them like I did, or were they all so used to it that it wasn't even a second thought. Although I didn't show them my intense worry, they all seemed so cavalier about their situations. I guess I appeared the same way to them since I was able to laugh and joke about it in conversation. My playing it off wasn't an act to appear tough, but my way of dealing with it the only way I knew how. I was extremely concerned about what was to happen to me, but it wasn't like I was going to break down and cry to these guys. Sometimes I felt like it, but I have always been pretty good about keeping my emotions in check, at least externally.  It seemed like these guys all slept like babies while I struggled to get even an hour each night. Maybe knowing you're guilty and making your own bed, so to speak, allows you to get a better nights rest.

     After lunch, Pepe' and I returned to our cell and picked up right where we left off. I would turn around to look out of the door window every so often expecting to see an officer coming towards us. I hoped that Dave or Harrison or even Laney was coming to see me. The closer it got to noon, the more I was aware that nothing new was happening for me. It was hard to remember that although I was sitting stagnant in jail, things were in motion on the outside. I'd start to go down the path of worry and then snap out of it when Pepe' would point at something new and give me the Spanish word for it.  Who knew that a man that I would never, ever meet out in the "real" world would provide me with the break that my mind desperately needed.  I was very aware of how important it was for my attention to be constantly diverted from the incessant thinking of where I was and what I was facing.  Learning Spanish with Pepe' was the closest thing to recreation that I could get and I was thankful. And I was growing my bi-lingual vocabulary.  Senora Shirck, my high school Spanish

teacher, would be proud.  As proud as a teacher could be for a former student learning Spanish while sitting in a jail cell accused of molesting a teenager. 

     Pepe' and I eventually stopped after a few guys needed time checks, which Pepe' translated to Spanish for me.  It was getting close to dinner time and I wondered if anyone was coming to see me at all.  My mom told me that Dave was coming in the morning, and when your you haven't slept and your "day" starts so early, 12:30pm seems late.  Just before it was time to go out and eat, I saw a pair of officers head down the hall and past my cell.  Usually when multiple officers would go to a cell, it meant that someone was leaving. Sometimes the inmate would be leaving after bonding out or they were being transferred to another facility, most likely the County Jail.  All I knew was that when two guards went and got someone, we never saw them again.  There had been a few times when it looked like two guards were coming to my cell, which briefly got me excited that I was leaving, but this time, they stopped in front of Ice Cube's cell.  I stood up and watched out of the window on my door as Cube stepped out into the hall with his hands cuffed behind his back. This was normal procedure when guys were leaving and not going home.  A few guys shouted their goodbyes as Cube walked past their cells.  This was also normal procedure, it seemed.  When he walked past my cell, Cube looked up at me and just nodded his head.  It was a fitting ending.  It seemed like a long, long time ago that I met him.  Although I never really found out much about him, he was a good guy. Very mellow and very funny.  He always seemed legitimately interested in my story and what was happening with me. As he walked out with the officers, I thought back to how I was feeling when I first met him.  How nothing that I was going through seemed real.  I met him, among others, just over an hour into my ordeal.  Now it was my sixth day and I was the last man standing from the original group of guys that spent most of Saturday together. I was actually sad to see him go.  If this were a movie, I thought, this would be the scene where I watched him walk out while flashbacks of us laughing during a meal or talking through the bottom of our doors were shown in slow motion.  I doubted that I'd ever see him again, but he did promise that Grant Street would be off limits to him and his friends from any car break-ins or burglaries.  At least my jail time had gained my neighbors and me some safety from the criminals on the other side of Denver.  Just after he was out on the elevator and out of sight, the doors to our cells began to click open and it was time for dinner.  

     It was odd not having Cube at the meal with me.  I wouldn't categorize him as my best buddy, but there was something about having familiar faces in the group of guys around me.  The light skinned guy was still around and we had been talking for a few days.  There was a big, tall guy that had arrived a day or two ago whose cell was across from mine who I began to have some interaction with and, of course, there was Pepe'.  Other than that, everyone seemed new to me and they were just starting to get parts of my story during the short meal times.  I had grown weary of explaining and re-explaining whatever news and information the new people wanted to know.  I think that it was just me simply being weary of the whole of everything.  I could definitely tell that I was less talkative and engaging than I had been when I arrived.  During dinner on Thursday I didn’t have much to say.  I had been going non-stop with Pepe’ for awhile and the fact that no one had come to see me was hovering over my head. 

     Dinner concluded and Pepe’ and I went home to our cell.  Just before we had left for dinner, he began trying to ask me questions about his situation and when he would get out.  He picked this back up when we got back.  It took quite awhile for me to understand what he was trying to ask.  By the time I thought I had it, I realized that I had no answers for him.  He really seemed confused and I felt bad that no one from the Police Department was helping him.  The City of Denver is 33% Hispanic and obviously they deal with people who don’t speak English on a daily basis.  I imagine that it had to be horribly frustrating to not be able to communicate basic questions and needs.  As difficult as it was for me to get answers to even the simplest of questions, such as when I’d get a phone call, tooth brush or shower, I couldn’t imagine trying to convey these things to those who didn’t speak my language.  Pepe’ had now been my roommate for more than a full day and not once, to my knowledge, had anyone come to see him in any sort of official capacity.  I put this thought in the back of my head to remind myself to ask someone about him. 

I didn’t have much down time immediately after dinner.  For nearly two hours, Pepe’ and I tried to have a “normal” conversation.  We were getting a little better at making the other understand whatever it was that we were trying to say.  Simple ideas or sentences sometimes took forever to convey, but eventually the basic premise would click.  It reminded me of when I was teaching golf at Club Med.  We had five or six of us on the golf staff at the resort.  Each week we’d get our schedule of what we were doing, which could include sitting at the “pitch and putt” handing out clubs and teaching a group beginner lesson or teaching intermediate group lessons on the driving range in the mornings.  Both of these were free to guests and some days you’d have one person who would show up to a lesson and some days you’d get fifteen.  We also offered a specialized week-long group lesson package. Guests had to sign up for these lessons and they were at an additional cost.  The same group would meet every day for three hours with the same instructor.  Group sizes were anywhere from two to eight.  I normally didn’t teach these intensive lessons as the rest of the golf staff were more advanced in teaching than me.

     One of the few times I did teach one of the week-long group lessons, I was given a French couple who didn’t speak any English at all and a German family who spoke just a little English.  From the onset, it was obvious that it was going to be difficult to communicate with them as I didn’t know any German and could only ask for cheese in French (fromage).  The week itself was a blast, but I’m not sure how much golf instruction they got.  To explain something that would take 15 seconds to an American took nearly five minutes to get across to the group.  I would say whatever it was that I was explaining, and then look at the Germans to see if they got it.  If not, I’d say it slower and use more hand motions and sign language, then look at them again.  Sometimes it would take two or three tries before they’d understand.  They would nod their heads and say “yes, yes” and then translate what I said to the other couple in French.  When the French understood, they’d then nod their heads and say, “Oui.  Oui.”  It was mind-bogglingly slow, but we had fun and they bought me beer every day after the lesson.  While conversing with Pepe’, it took me right back to talking to the Germans and French.  With Pepe’, though, there would be no beer at the conclusion. 

     Finally, around four in the afternoon, my cell door opened and I was taken back to the conference rooms where Dave was already sitting down.  I was extremely happy to see him.  Although my day had been filled with conversations with Pepe’, meals, phone calls and a shower, I was very anxious to get updated on where everything stood.  There was so much happening in regards to the DNA test, Laney’s visit and search of my house as well as Dave’s ongoing work to put my case together that I needed to know where we stood in regards to it all.  Dave apologized for not coming sooner and made him promise not to apologize to me anymore.  He always started by asking how I was doing.  I told him about my new bi-lingual skills and the fact that I got to shower.  I let him know that I was doing alright but was growing more and more frustrated when I had time to really think and process it all.  He promised that he was doing all that he could as fast as he could, but “these things take time,” he said more than once.  He had done some work on my alibi, specifically pulling phone and bank records and talking to some of the people who I was with during the weekend in question.  “I’m going to keep working on this, Chris, but honestly, we’re just waiting on the DNA test to come back,” he told me.  “Denver sent your samples to Florida this morning and Franklin told me that the results may be back as early as tomorrow.”  Hearing this got me very excited.  For the first time, I was hearing an actual possible end to all of this madness.  Dave told me that Franklin had called him earlier in the day and filled him in on Laney’s visit our conversation.  “Laney isn’t here to help me,” I said.  I asked him if he knew anything about the search of my stuff, which he didn’t.  Laney only told Franklin that he was going to back to Florida and that he’d be in touch.  Dave agreed that Laney probably was looking for more evidence to keep me in jail.  “The DNA is the key,” he said. 

     There really wasn’t anything new from Dave, but I appreciated him coming down to see me anyway.  Our visit was relatively short as he said that he had to get to a meeting on the other side of town.  As he left, he told me just to stay positive.  “We’re just waiting now,” he said as he walked out the door.  I had been waiting since Saturday morning.  Back then I was just waiting on any information as to why I was in jail.  Now I was waiting for the results of a DNA test that would set me free.  I immediately felt the same panic as the night before when I went over and over the possibility of Laney and Florida rigging the test.  I shook it off as I walked back to my cell.  I really wanted to stay positive, as difficult as it was. 

     Three hours passed pretty quickly.  Some of it was spent just lying on my bed.  I picked up the bible for the first time in a few days and read a little bit.  My focus was on not thinking about anything and not winding myself up.  Pepe’ was napping on the toboggan.  I had a few conversations through the bottom of the door with some neighbors and spent a little time just looking out into Denver.  Before long, it was visiting time.  As I walked back to the visitation room, I tried to guess who would be waiting for me behind the Plexiglas.  My only thought was that I hoped that it wasn’t Jerry.  Thankfully, when I turned the corner to my cubical, Kermit was sitting across from me and had already taken the phone receiver off of the holder. 

“You score 50 goals yet?” I asked him first. 

“Nope,” he said. 

“No playing while I’m in jail,” I said.

“Or course not.”  I knew he was lying.

“Were you in your boxers when they came over?”

“Yep.”

     I told him about my visit with Laney.  “I saw a photo of the guy that did it.  How I got involved in this is beyond me,” I said.  I asked him about the search of the house.  “They took a black stocking cap of yours and the football jersey you wore in England.”   I was instantly mad.  “Seriously?  How many fucking black stocking caps are there in the world?  And you can’t even see much of the guy’s shirt in the picture.”  I’m sure I was being too loud.  “I’m not sure what else they got,” Kermit said, “but I think they took a couple of papers or photos or something from your room.  He asked me where he could find your cologne.  I laughed and told him that we didn’t own any cologne.”  I wanted to know more details about the search, but it was obvious that Kermit didn’t know anything else.  “What were you doing while they were there?”  Kermit just looked at me.  “Fucker.  You were playing hockey,” I said.   “I was on the couch and those guys came in and asked me what was downstairs.  I told them clothes and boxes and stuff.  I took them down there and they started flipping through that row of hanging clothes in the back room.  When they got to the football jersey, Laney took it down and the other two guys came over to look at it.  I couldn’t hear everything they were saying, but I did hear something like, “We got him.”   Laney was pretty much a dick.  Your room is trashed” 

     Before he could continue, the officer in the room announced that time was up.  I hadn’t even been able to give him an update of where things stood.  “Florida has my DNA and any day now the results will be in.  It may even be tomorrow.  I’ll call you when I can if something happens,” I said as we started to hang up. 

     I was not happy walking back to my cell.  I don’t think I wanted to know what Laney had found and taken.  When I was just guessing what was going on, at least I could resolve myself to the fact that I was just guessing.  But now I knew for sure that Laney still believed I was guilty, which fueled my worry about the DNA test and why Florida wanted to do the testing themselves.  I didn’t want it to be night time.  I didn’t want to be going back to my cell.  I didn’t want to be in jail.  I wanted to talk to Laney and I wanted to talk to Franklin.  Hearing Kermit tell me what Laney had taken from my house made me very angry.  The powerless feeling was overwhelming.  I asked the guard who was escorting me back to my cell, one who I had spoken to a few times, if he thought that DNA tests could be rigged if an agency thought you were guilty.  “Anything’s possible,” he responded.  Not the reassuring answer I was looking for.

     Pepe’ and his snores filled the cell again when I got back.  Must be nice to be able to rest so peacefully, I thought.  I’d pay good money to be able to sleep for more than 30 minutes at a time.  I spent the the remainder of Thursday avoiding any thoughts of where I was or any specifics of my situation.  I did everything in my power to stay away from it.  I tried for at least an hour to count up the total amount of hours that I had slept since Saturday morning.  My best educated guess was around eight.  I thought about playing baseball, which was my go-to thought when I wanted to avoid thinking about something.  I don’t know why, but picturing myself on the field and really focusing on being there helped take my mind away from whatever it was that I was trying to avoid.  It was like my version of counting sheep.  I really had to concentrate and focus on it while I was in jail since the “bad thoughts” were always trying to pry themselves into whatever distractions that I was attempting to use.  I wanted to read my arrest report again, but decided not to.  It was intense working against myself to avoid going into a dark place again, like I was an addict who was doing my best not to shoot up again, even though the needle was sitting right next to me.  I was so tired and exhausted that my thoughts just jumped all over the place.  I may have even fallen asleep for a few minutes at a time, but I couldn’t tell.  Every so often I’d become aware that no one had asked for a time check all night.  There had been so much turnover on the floor that maybe the new guys didn’t realize that I could see the tower.  I kind of missed the responsibility of being the time keeper.  Every so often I’d look out to check the time myself and want to shout it out so that everyone else would know. 

     Somehow I made it past midnight and it was finally Friday.  Thankfully, I was able to pass the time without too much difficulty.  It was just about four in the morning when I heard some movement on the floor.  The lights flickered on and I could see other inmates standing and looking out of their door windows trying to see what was going on.  Whatever was going on was new.  It was an hour and a half before the regular breakfast time.  An officer that I didn’t recognize walked into the middle of the floor.  He had a clipboard in his hand.  Three other officers were behind him.  I heard several cell doors click open, including mine.  The officer with the clipboard yelled, “If I call your name, please step outside of your cell and close the door behind you.  Make sure you put on all of your clothes that you have with you.”  I listened as he started calling names.  “Chris Justice,” he said, somewhere in the middle of the list.  I stepped out in front of my door, closed it, and looked around to see who else had been called.  The light skinned guy was in front of his door.  No one was talking.  When the officer finished his list, I heard the cell doors all lock again.  There were probably a dozen or more guys on both sides of the floor standing in front of their cells.  The officer yelled again, “Please turn around and face your doors,” he said.  I did as he asked.  I turned my head and watched as the other three officers began putting handcuffs on the guys on the other side of the room.  After they had cuffs on, they were led to the corridor outside of the elevator.  Eventually one of the officers got over to me.  He told me to place my hands behind my back, which I did, and he put the cuffs on me.  I hadn’t had cuffs on since Saturday, and I didn’t like it.  “What’s going on?” I asked.  “You’re being transferred to the Denver County Jail.”